there are places in this world that
are grand and important.. the majority of us, we never see those places.. but we have our own stories.. and sometimes, even when they seem
blackened and burnt.. when they appear to hold no light, hope, or
chance or redemption.. when there appears to be no possible outcome
but an ending… they continue..
life goes on..
i just realized that all this time, the joke has always been on me..
i just happened to dig up old emails and i somehow pulled this one out.. it was one of those abused emails that has the unfortunate destiny of being forwarded until the internet cease to exist..
~
A Reason, A Season, A Lifetime
by Brian Andrew Chalker
People
always come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. When
you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They
have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with
guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even
spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason, you need them to be.
Then,
without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this
person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
LIFETIME
relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must
build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your
job is to accept the lesson, love the person / people (anyway); and put
what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of
your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
~
i just dismissed it before, but now, somehow, it makes sense, unlike this picture:
more often that not, a single tale can be told as many
times as the number of characters involved..
who i am is not imporant, here is my story..
~
i would be lying if i told that what happened was not
entirely unexpected.. although somewhere back on my mind, i somehow wished that
i was wrong..
yeah, i was wrong..
i was wrong in hoping to wish that i was wrong..
a few weeks back, i thought that something was not
right.. nothing more than a hunch, a faint whisper of alarm, a feeling of unease..
i decided to take a look because in the past, such things were really more
complicated than how they initially appeared..
but i told myself that if anything would happen, i would
be one of the first ones to know.. so i ignored it, reasoning that i might be
just thinking too much and being paranoid again..
then suddenly i felt that you became cold towards me.. i
did one check, relying on a source of information that hasn’t failed me
before.. i instinctively know exactly where to go, whom to ask, and where to
look.. it took nothing more than a glance and everything just fell into place..
i somehow amazed myself that considering how things
turned out, it is not as devastating as i expected it to be.. last time, i
almost broke my right hand, tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably,
chain-smoked two packs of cigarette, wandered aimlessly in the rain for several
hours, drunk about three liters of alcohol, and wished that i wouldn’t wake up
the next day..
i’d be lying to myself if i’d said that i’m ok, i’m fine,
there’s definitely nothing wrong with me, because it hurts.. it hurts so much
that i’ve gotten numb.. being numb means that i don’t need to inflict any form
of external pain to mask what i feel inside.. being numb prevented me from
shedding a single tear.. being numb enabled me to retain my wits to tell me
that smoke and alcohol would not fill this void inside me.. being numb allowed
me to have a vestige of control on the lingering bits of sanity that i have
left..
looking back on the last three years, two weeks, and five
days, i do admit that in many things i was wrong and i somehow kept on
repeating past mistakes.. thinking on all of the events that led to this day, i
just can’t help but to feel that i should have said more and done more that i
already did.. but now, i do think that it is indeed too late for regrets..
right now, i am just wishing that i would be told
clearly, not just left relying in vague hints, obvious lies, and feigning
ignorance to learn exactly where i stand.. after everything i did, i do think
that i deserve at least that much..
do forgive me if i assume that i was intentionally left
out and hoped that i won’t find out anything.. it that was your intention, then
that just means that you didn’t really know me, misjudged me, and i do think
that what happened was for the better.. if not, then i do apologize for
accusing you of doing something like that..
anyway, thanks for everything (whatever those things
might have been)..
for now, i will just quietly disappear..
although one day, i would expect my phone to ring and
would get the same message that i was so used on receiving..
would i answer it?? would i just ignore it??
only time will tell..
~
was i afraid
of something like this?
i was.
am i angry?
yes.
do i feel
hate?
of
course.
will i suffer?
definitely.
my chains are
broken.
once
more.
~
be happy.
~fin
Is it true then, that when you start to doubt and ask yourself if you are doing the right thing, chances are you are wrong?
I do hope not.
It bothers me though.
Because everytime I try to start to do even one simple thing, it feels like I have already been judged.
~~
I am nothing but a collection of lies piled on top of one another.
Why?
Because the truth hurts.
~~
Why am I even doing this?
I do know for a fact that I am trapped in a game that I can’t possibly win.
For some reason I keep on going, even though that I already know that in the end, I would lose everything that I have.
Lose everyone that I knew.
And hopefully, lose myself in the process.
~
0107080554
10
8121326221
6221414341436241
61213173216121
6221
6221612162
215263
42214221
327132528163
744341827363
438163
6241
74632273216241
712141222122217421
42214221
11
it has been a year now..
five hundred twenty five thousand, six hundred minutes passed and i’d be lying if i told you that i spent all of those moments regretting what i did..
maybe some..
but up to now, i still don’t know where to stand..
i hope tomorrow gives me answers..
call me corny..
call me hopeless..
you can even call me gay..
I don’t fucking care..
this song is a reflection what was exactly on my mind at that moment in time..
~~~
So Close (Enchanted OST)
by Jon McLaughlin
You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive
A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close
So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close
How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far
~~~
yeah..
i’ve watched the movie..
screw the critics, for me it was dammed good..
This sucks.
(Right now, I don’t have a clear grasp on how I really want to tell it nor I do have a clear train of thought. I’ll leave it at this for the meantime.)
I should have posted this exactly three weeks ago.
Maybe it is too late.
~~~
Hate Me
by Blue October
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There’s a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “Make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “How can you do this to me?”
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For you
~~~
Or maybe not…
People always come into your life for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty, or to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are. They are there for the reason, you need them to be.
Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season. And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall, the season eventually ends.
LIFETIME relationships teach you a lifetime of lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person / people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life.
You know, I had a lot of things I wanted to do..
I want to be a teacher..
I also want to be an astronaut..
and also make my own cake shop..
I want to go to Mr. Donuts and say "I’ll have them all!"..
And I want to go to Baskin Robbins and say "I’ll have them all!"
Oh, I wish I could live life 5 times over!
Then, I’d be born in 5 different cities I’d stuff myself full with different delicious things 5 times each I’d have 5 different jobs…
and then for those 5 times…
I’d fall in love with the same person.
-Orihime Inoue
Bleach ch. 237
